Oh man, this is really a bad situation! I mean, I know I'm supposed to stand guard here in Tiananmen Square, and I'm supposed to not even flinch for hours and hours, but I had a double-foam-Mochachino from Starbucks just before starting my shift, and I really gotta pee! It's still 4 hours until I get off from work, and just between you and me, I'm not sure if I'm gonna make it.
How horrible it would be to be the first People's Liberation Army solider to pee his pants while standing guard in Tiananmen Square - the guys would never let me hear the end of it!
I wonder, does that tour bus parked behind me in the background have a bathroom? Oh man, if it did, that would be so awesome. Or, maybe I could just find a spot between those two parked cars. Do you think anyone would notice if I just ran over there and relieved myself? I mean, it's not like there are enemy troops lined up on the other side of the street, waiting for me to leave my post so they can take over Tiananmen Square!
I've heard in America, workers get to take breaks during the day, during which they can actually leave their posts and go do things they want to do, like go to the bathroom, smoke cigarettes, and read magazines. Y'know, America is kind of a meddling pain in the ass to my government sometimes, but I have to admit, having a break during my workday would be profound and meaningful.
Stupid Americans. Don't you know we wear incontinence pads?
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